All I Want for Christmas...

The Day is FINALLY here!!!! We were went to court today and finalized the adoption of our sweet baby girl. It has been a long 14 months, but I wouldn't trade the experience for anything. We have learned so, so much!

5 more days until it is eternally official!!!!!

Thank you to all for your love, support and prayers. We truly have witnessed miracles!! Love to you all!!!!!

Time Flies

I can't believe that it's been almost one year!!! In many ways, it seems like its been so much longer....and in other ways, it has FLOWN by!!!
There is so much to say, that I can't seriously type a years worth of feelings in on blog. I just felt that I should post some pictures of different moments of the past year. Looking at my little burrito makes me so so sad....I can't believe how much she has changed.
She has changed our lives in so many ways. Our family is stronger and better for having her with us. She has stolen my heart, and I will be forever grateful!!!!

Burrito anyone???

A baby burrito is the first thing that comes to mind when I wrap her up like this!!

It has been such an incredible week. I have gone through every emotion possible....I have now settled on peace.

To be honest, last week I was a bit of a wreck. I felt like I was betryaing our first foster daughter...I wasn't ready to be running all over the place, and honestly I didn't want to be getting up at night. All of that changed however, when my sweet husband came to my rescue. On Wednesday, as soon as I got the baby in bed for the night, Kevin put me to bed. He got up with her all night. When I woke up on Thursday morning, I had a clear head. I felt good about everything. It's amazing what a good nights rest can do for the soul! I realize that I'm not in this alone, Kevin is right there beside me, willing to sacrifice on our familiy's behalf. With everything that is expected of us, it makes it easier knowing we're in this together.

There is a court hearing today. I don't know what is going to be decided, I don't know if this sweet baby girl will be with us at the end of the week or at the end of the day for that matter. What I do know, is that I have completely fallen in love. I don't know how or when it happened. I have tried to keep my guard up, so that my heart won't break. None of that matters. This baby deserves all the love in the world.

Right now, no matter what happens, I am at peace. I mean, don't get me wrong, I would love to adopt her, love to make her part of our eternal family, but it is not for me to decide.

Newest Addition

So imagine my surprise when this afternoon I got a phone call for a baby girl. I just got back from the groccery store, finished putting things away and was about to make salsa (as I have tomatoes coming out my ears) when the call came.

For all of you who want the stats, she was born on the 16th and was 7 lbs. 1 oz. 19 1/2"

The funny part is, that yes, Kevin was again out of town. Thankfully he is home now!!! We don't know how long this sweet baby will be here. We just know that she needs a safe place. She needs love.

Once again the kids were thrilled when they found out. Jack was a bit confused when he saw her. He was fully expecting to see our first baby girl.....he has quickly fallen in love and insisted that he help bathe her tonight. Ethan and Brodey seem to be completely taken with her. Poor Hannah has a bit of a sick bug, and has had to keep her distance, but I can see it in her eyes how thrilled she is to have another little sister....even if it's only for a little while. Kevin, I think is completely in love.....he is such a softee when it comes to tiny babes.... I feel a little better about things right now...Maybe it's because we have been through this before. Who knows???

Our lives are about to become crazy, crazy....please keep us in your prayers.

JOY!

This is, by far, one of the cutest faces I have EVER seen. Jack was thrilled to have been able to find the perfect pumpkin.
We spent the day with my sisters and their cute kids and my Mom. We decorated sugar cookies (there was more candy than cookie!) and went to the Pumpkin Patch. It was a great day!!!! I love getting together with family, laughing and getting to know one another better. The kids were awesome....have I mentioned there were 11 kids in my kitchen? 9 of them being boys????
I don't know what was more fun for the kids, the cookies, the football, or the picking of pumpkins.
For me I loved the Pumpkin Patch the best. I loved watching the joy in each child eyes as they found "the one". My favorite part of all though, was when sweet Talmage found a pumpkin that he wanted more than the one he originally picked. Jack-Jack still hadn't found his prize, so when he saw the pumpkin Talmage was carrying, Jask fell instantly in love. It was as if they were were long lost friends. Bless his little heart, Talmage gave Jack the prized pumpkin. Oh how that melted my heart!

Happiness, Heartbreak, and Lessons Learned

I have been avoiding this post for as long as possible. It has always been in the back of my mind that I need to post, but other things keep coming up. And to be honest, I really haven't wanted to address it.

As most of you already know, Kevin and I have decided to be foster parents, in the hopes that we might be able to add to our family and adopt a little girl. This in and of itself is a small miracle. Raising four kids is hard enough, so to add the extra responsibility of another child is somewhat overwhelming.

A few days before Mother's day I got a phone call that there was a baby girl ready to be picked up at the hospital, she was 2 days old. I instantly called Kevin, who was out of town, to tell him the news. With my mind in complete shock, I was basket of nerves getting ready for this baby girl. The following day, I picked her up from the hospital. I don't know what I was more nervous for, bringing her home or running into the birth mother. (Now, don't get me wrong, she is not a bad person. She has just made some poor choices, that resulted in her baby being taken away.) I don't know how many of you realize this, but I am someone who has a hard time branching out and opening up myself to others.

Our sweet princess was welcomed into our home with loving arms! The kids absolutely fell in love with her, as did Kevin and myself. She was not only welcomed and loved by our family, but our extended family and freinds as well. I tried for the first little while to keep my guard up, but when a little 5 pound baby is dependent on you for everything, it's inevitable...she quickly stole my heart!

The foster system is really quite complicated, no two cases are the same, so nobody ever really knows what is going to happen. In the classes Kevin and I took, we were told a number of things that are "supposed" to happen in a case like ours. It would have been nice to use that as a guide while we were going through the process, but alas....it was not meant to be. I felt like I no longer belonged to myself. I was a servent of the state. When they said be here, or be there, I had no choice but to be there. My days became increasingly long, and the nights longer. Always, always in the back of my mind, I wondered when this sweet baby was going to go back. Everybody involved, the caseworker, the guardian ad litem, even our own caseworker said that she would not go anywhere for at least 6 months if not longer. I didn't believe them. I consider it one of the tender mercies of my Father in Heaven because both Kevin and I knew that the time we had with our princess was limited.

As the days progressed, I found myself hoping that we would be able to keep her. I know this sounds so selfish...but that was the honest hope that I had. With us, she had a complete family. Brothers and a sister who loved and adored her. With us, she would have the gospel in her life, she would have the possiblity of being sealed to us forever. With us, she would have the priesthood in her home. To me it made so much more sense that Heavenly Father would want her here with us.

Fathers' day weekend, Kevin and I both knew that this was the last weekend we had with our baby. We prepared the kids as best we could, but what do you say to a 13, 11, 6 and 3 year old to help them understand whats going on? On Monday morning, to the amazement of everyone in the courtroom, except for Kevin and myself, the judge ordered the baby back to her mother. Everyone was shocked. I was numb! I would have to do this alone!! Kevin was on his way out of town. I spent the next few hours running on pure adrenaline as I worked frantically to get everything ready for the birth mother and our sweet baby. The following morning was such a bittersweet day. It is one that I will never ever forget. It is one that I am so blessed to have experienced. I can honestly say that I felt my Savior carrying me through the transition. To this day I still feel Him.

This experience that we have gone through as a family is one of our most precious memories we've ever had. Our sweet baby girl has touched our lives in such a way that nobody else has. There are days that I miss her terribly. My arms ache to hold her. I have been able to see her and talk to the birth mother, and both are doing great. Birth mom still has a ways to go, but she is determined to make a better life for herself and her baby. I have learned that it doesn't matter who we are or what our circumstances are we are all children of our Heavenly Father. It is up to us to help those in need.

We are still waiting for "our" little girl. We don't know when she is coming...we are relying on the will of our Heavenly Father. He is all knowing and has a perfect plan in store for our family. That is the greatest lesson I have learned through this experience. Please keep us in your prayers!

Touched you Last

In thinking of my Grandpa, many memories come to mind. He always, always, played the game of touched you last. I remember playing it as a small child, and on to my adult life, and even laughed as he played it with my own children. I remember Froggie in the Middle, and trying my very hardest to pull Grandpa up. I also remember there always seemed to be a man in Grandpas ward who died becuase he didn't put peach jam on his cereal.

This past August, we spent the day up in Logan with Grandpa. I don't know if Grandpa really remembered who we were, but it was nice to see him and spend the day with him. We took him to the park and let the kids play, all the while he took a good long nap. Boomer and Baby J were so helpful in helping Grandpa use his walker everywhere we went. When we went up to the Logan Temple, the wind was awful, and for a brief moment I was seriously afraid that the wind would knock him down. But Grandpa sure was a trooper.
I promised the kids that we would stop at Aggies and get some ice cream, and Grandpa surprised us by wanting a cone, and he ate it faster than I think the kids ate their own. When it was time for us to go, I gave my Grandpa a kiss and hug, and told him I loved him. I made sure that each of my children had the same opportunity. Watching them give him hugs and kisses made me want so desperately to have the kids know my Grandpa the way I knew my Grandpa.

That sweet day in August is one that I will forever cherish. It is the last day I will see my Grandpa in this earthly life. He passed away Monday morning peacefully. He has lived a very full 95 years, and is FINALLY reunited with my Grandma.
Thank you for the memories Grandpa, for all of the boat races, and bike rides. The sleepovers, and games. For the walks, and poetry. Thank you for your love and most of all thank you for being my Grandpa. You will be deeply missed.